There are so many posts out there that talk about how to deal with a break-up with a significant other, but less often a best friend break-up is discussed. For me, this came to the forefront fast and strong but somehow I didn’t see it coming. I missed the episode of Girls that was supposed to guide me through this.
If any of you know me, you know my counterpart because for nearly a decade we’ve been inseparable. We found each other as lost souls so often do: in college. Like any combination of things that go together so perfectly well, we found that we were each other’s balance. I: bossy and anti-everything // She: Easy going social butterfly–simple in theory, dynamic in reality.
Between heartbreaks and finals, we shone true for one another like an unwavering beacon of sanity in the muddy waters of young adulthood. And things were fine. Then suddenly, they weren’t.
There was a turning point where we hadn’t realized we passed, and that as we both began to navigate our own destinies, that it may have meant deviating from each other. Bestie and I had tried to continue maintaining what was once so easy but it what was quickly becoming a square peg-round hole scenario– things just didn’t fit.
How did this happen? How did we get here?
It seems dense to think that we didn’t realize how co-dependent we were until we reconsider what our relationship had become in the grand scheme of our lives: a crutch. You can’t rely on someone more than a person who watches you date losers, eat terribly, make poor fashion decisions, and cry about everything more than you do with your bestie. It just isn’t possible until you realize that actually it is. No, I don’t mean a boyfriend, husband or any other kind of life partner comes in to save the day, I mean you. You can rely on yourself.
Suddenly without being able to text her every thought I ever had, I was forced to face myself. Were my comments and thoughts surface responses to things? Well when you’re only talking to yourself, you tend to cut out the white noise of humor and entertainment for a deeper intrinsic conversation. Whoa. Mind blown.
With all the extra frequencies silenced, I had time for the universe to rush in and partake in turning so many of my words into actions. Without the support of a crutch, I leaned on my own confidence, and began to believe in myself on my own. See ya never imposter syndrome, nobody can talk me out of what I know to be true.
In the months that passed, Bestie and I both found that we had naturally made space spiritually and emotionally to grow. It wasn’t our intention but the reality was we supported each other through everything, and at this point, we needed to start supporting ourselves. Betting on me– albeit terrifying– was needed.
We’ve since begun speaking again and though the details of our “break-up” won’t be shared, I think the value was found in re-evaluating our relationship because we had to re-evaluate ourselves. Bestie and I painfully laugh about how hard it was not to talk for weeks on end, but the bitter truth is we needed to take a break from each other, if only to spend more time with ourselves.
Should a BFF-break-up happen in your life, consider it not an ending–but an opportunity for you and your bestie to breathe and discover yourselves as individuals. Perhaps you’re destined to diverge on two different paths and perhaps some day you can reunite as whole individuals and continue your relationship as more complete versions of yourselves. Either way embrace the evolution your relationship naturally takes, it could allow to reveal a special relationship with yourself, and at the end of the day, that’s the most important relationship of them all.
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